


Before I Lose You || gomens holiday swap gift

by AnironSidh



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Gift Fic, Good Omens Holiday Exchange, Good Omens Holiday Swap 2019, Holiday Fic Exchange, Implied Sexual Content, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Love Confessions, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Other, Weddings, blink and you miss it - Freeform, pinch hit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22103755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnironSidh/pseuds/AnironSidh
Summary: Armageddon has been averted, and yet their troubles are far from over. Heaven and Hell want their revenge for a Plan foiled. Crowley knows this far too well, knows he has far too little time for what he's wanted for so many centuries... Aziraphale. Believing they may not live to see another sunset, they take a step usually taken by humans. They've only got this one chance, don't they?aka they get married, believing they may not have another chance to, as requested by gregayy/scmnz
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 61
Collections: Good Omens Holiday Swap 2019





	Before I Lose You || gomens holiday swap gift

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Scmnz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scmnz/gifts).



The ride back to London from Armageddon was completely silent. Crowley kept his grip on Aziraphale’s hand as tight as he could without breaking something. Part of him was terrified that he would lose the angel if he dared to let go. He held onto Aziraphale as long as he was able, even keeping a hold of him when he unlocked his apartment. 

“Dear, are you alright?” Aziraphale asked, his voice incredibly soft. Crowley led them to the couch before he answered. It’d be better to be sitting down for what he knew would happen the second he opened his mouth. 

Crowley shrugged as he miracled up a bottle of wine for the two of them. “‘M fine, angel,” he answered, struggling to keep up his cool exterior. “Just been a long day.”

Aziraphale reached forward with his free hand to cup Crowley’s cheek, frowning when the demon leaned into his touch. “Oh, you poor dear,” he murmured. 

“Angel…” Crowley paused for a moment. “I thought I'd lost you."

“Oh…” Aziraphale wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He’d seen how Crowley was in that bar, could tell that he was certainly upset, and yet… Somehow he hadn’t connected it to his discorperation. How had he missed that? There were bigger things to worry about at that moment, like the world being still about to end, but how? Oh, he felt so terrible about missing that. 

Crowley turned away, moving to fill their wine glasses. “S fine, angel, really. I’ll get over it. We’ve got other things to worry about, yeah? Gotta deal with the bosses first, probably, then bloody  _ feelings _ if we survive. That’s the plan, right?”

“What feelings, dear?” Aziraphale murmured in a soft voice. Crowley winced as if he’d been physically hit, seeming to almost curl in on himself. He raised his wine glass to his lips with a shaking hand, avoiding looking over at the angel. He clammed up, really. Aziraphale sighed, placing his wine glass down gently and reaching over to the demon. 

“Shouldn’t have said that,” Crowley muttered. “It doesn’t matter, angel. Why should it? We’re not guaranteed to even  _ survive _ tomorrow. Bloody  _ feelings _ can wait, can’t they?”

His words would have had more impact if Aziraphale wasn’t able to see Crowley breaking down, piece by piece, with every word he spoke. He was  _ hurting _ so terribly that it was blazing through to the outside. It was  _ so _ like him to act like that, to push it all into some dark corner of his mind and pretend to be whole on the outside, despite the cracks. 

“Come here, my dear boy,” Aziraphale whispered, opening his arms enough to give Crowley space. The demon glanced over for a moment, seeming to argue with himself over it, then  _ whimpered _ and collapsed into the angel’s arms. 

The two of them were silent for a few moments. Aziraphale simply waited, holding Crowley close until he felt like speaking on his own. 

“M scared, angel,” Crowley finally spoke, in a soft and  _ breaking _ voice. 

Aziraphale paused for a moment. “Of what, dear?”

Crowley finally looked up at him, setting his sunglasses aside. “Scared of  _ losing _ you. I can’t do that again.”

_ Oh… OH. _ Aziraphale could have hit himself. How hadn’t he noticed? The feeling of love around Tadfield  _ had _ been from Adam, yes, but there had always been another aura underneath. Ever since Eden, and he’d never thought of it. Perhaps it was something in Crowley’s voice that made him realize this, or perhaps he simply hadn’t allowed himself to even entertain the possibility before, but suddenly he realized…

_ Crowley loved him _ . 

“My dear,” he paused for a moment to gather his courage. “I think it may be a good idea to talk about things now, while we know we’ve still got time. Like those feelings, perhaps.”

Crowley froze in his arms, his breath catching. He raised one shaking hand up to the angel’s face, gently ghosting past his cheek, that settled on the back of Aziraphale’s neck. There was a question in his serpentine eyes that he somehow  _ understood _ without any words passing from either of their lips. 

“Angel…”

Aziraphale smiled and rested one hand on each of the demon’s hips. “Yes,” he murmured. 

Oh, he would treasure that smile forever. Crowley laughed breathily for a moment before he suddenly looked determined and surged forward to capture Azirahale’s lips with his own. The angel let out a surprised sort of squeak at the sudden attack. He braced the two of them against the side of the couch, smiling into the most wonderful kiss, one of his hands straying to wind itself into Crowley’s fire-red hair.    
“Bloody heaven, angel,” he whispered once they eventually pulled apart. “Wish I’d known it’ be that good. Could’ve kissed you sooner.”

Aziraphale looked pained, pushing some of Crowley’s hair behind his ear. “I am so  _ sorry _ , love. I’ve kept you waiting for so long, could you ever forgive me?”

Crowley wasn’t quite sure how to respond to the hopeless tone of the angel’s voice. Aziraphale looked so hurt, as if he fully blamed himself. He leaned forward and up enough to press a lingering kiss on his angel’s forehead. 

“S not your fault, angel. I went too fast before, didn’t I, but we’re nearly free now,” he insisted. 

“I suppose we are,” Aziraphale replied, looking somewhat less pained. “I suppose we have to trust Agnes now. I would hate to lose you, love.”

Crowley nearly  _ melted _ at the endearment, barely able to stop himself from whining. “Yeah. Can’t lose you now, angel. I’ve got too much I want to do with you. Some silly human things, for the most part.”

“Like what?”

They had both spent most of the existences watching the humans around them, watched these beings create families, create concepts like marriage to tie themselves together for the rest of their mortal lives. Crowley had been a little jealous, seeing these nervous couples excited to bind themselves to each other. It had been the only future for women at certain times, sometimes when he’d presented in a more feminine fashion and sometimes not. 

Now, finally being able to  _ have _ the angel, he hesitated. “Well, y’know, moving in together. Actual dates at the Ritz and such… getting married one day, maybe. Always wanted that, since humans thought it up properly.”

Aziraphale didn’t respond for a moment. Crowley began to fear that he had, once again, gone too fast. Perhaps he shouldn’t have brought up  _ bloody marriage _ at a time like this. They could be living their last day together, for eternity, and here he was, practically  _ proposing _ . 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he rambled. “We don’t have to think about that, angel, ‘s fi-”

Aziraphale held his hands in his own, smiling warmly and a bit nervously. “I don’t think we have much time, dear, if we cannot outsmart Main Office. I’d… We could, if you’d like. Get married while we have a chance. I wish I could give you something better, Crowley. It’d be just us knowing for now.”

“Angel,” Crowley whispered, his mind racing. “I… I would, yeah, of course. We don’t have to if it’s too fast. ‘S long as I know how you feel, that’s alright.”

“Of course I want to,” the angel replied, beginning to look rather confident. He pulled one hand away for a moment and opened it a minute later with a shy smile. Crowley’s breath caught in his chest at the sight of the two rings in Aziraphale’s hand, simple whitish-silver bands with a row of dark jewels glinting in the low light. He could only look up at the angel, his words refusing to cooperate with him. 

“Ngk…”

Aziraphale smiled warmly, holding the rings up. “While we have a chance, dear,” he murmured. “I would very much like to. Even if… even if it doesn’t work out tomorrow, if… well, I’d like to know I got to experience this. I’ve always fancied the thought that people could tell we belong together just by looking. We can have a little party with our new friends, if that’s what you want, if we make it through this. Will… oh dear...”

Crowley looked at the rings, up at Aziraphale, down again, and then grabbed the back of the angel’s neck with his free hand and tugged him close. He pulled away for long enough to whisper a ‘yes’ against his lips. 

“Dear,” Aziraphale said once they eventually split apart, sorrow in his eyes despite his smile, and held up the rings. “May I?”

The ring fit perfectly onto his finger, of course it did, resizing itself as Aziraphale slid it on. Crowley stared at his hand for a few moments, struggling to contain his tears, and sniffled. He should be happy, shouldn’t he? The one thing he’d wanted for so long, finally here in his arms, and he was crying about it. 

Aziraphale was too, he noticed when he looked up as the angel dropped the other ring into his hand. Crowley’s hand shook as he slid it on, pressing their foreheads together as he gathered his courage and reined in the ruining tears. 

“Angel,” he began, closing his eyes. “Whatever happens tomorrow, whether we survive or not, I promise I’ll try my best to keep you safe. I’ll buy you a cottage with room for all your bloody books,” here Aziraphale let out a soft laugh, “and all the dinners at the Ritz you could ever want. Might even drive a little slower, if I feel like it.”

“We’ll protect each other, won’t we?” Aziraphale asked, his eyes shining with a fear Crowley never wanted to see again. 

He forced a smile even as he felt fear over losing his  _ everything _ . “Course, angel. I’ll always be there. They won’t be able to tell us apart, ey?”

Suddenly, Aziraphale shot back and scrambled for the piece of paper he’d brought with. 

“Oh, Crowley,” he whispered almost hopefully. “I think I’ve got it.  _ Choose your faces wisely _ , that’s what Agnes said. What if… Oh, if we could pull it off…”

Crowley was a little more than confused. “What on the blessed earth are you talking about?”

“We switch our bodies, just long enough that they’re fooled. Head Office would leave us alone then if they think we’re immune,” he explained. It was risky, obviously, but it was all they had. Aziraphale  _ refused _ to lose his  _ husband _ now, and  _ oh, wasn’t that fun to say? _ Crowley would be safe if it worked, and they knew each other well enough to fool Heaven and Hell, he thought. He stood, dragging Crowley along with him. 

“Wha… Angel?”

Aziraphale gestured behind him, into the darkened bedroom. “Some… some rest would be good, I think. Our last night together, if we’re wrong. S-shall we?”

Crowley nodded mutely. He made an attempt to commit every detail of Aziraphale to memory, even if it would be useless. If it all went wrong, if they didn’t make it, he would at least have memories of when he’d felt so Loved to lull him away. 

“Night, angel,” he whispered, tucking a newly miracled tartan blanket up around Aziraphale’s bare shoulder. The angel, his  _ bloody husband _ , was already fast asleep. Crowley curled his body around Aziraphale and held on as tightly as he dared.

If Heaven and Hell wanted to hurt  _ his _ angel they would have to get through him first.

-

Very few words were spoken the next morning. They switched bodies, exchanging tense smiles when they succeeded, and practiced each other’s demeanor briefly before leaving the flat. St.James park was eerily quiet. Crowley twisted Aziraphale’s new ring around, the only sign of his inner nervousness. 

He was sure  _ how _ the archangels missed it, really. Perhaps they assumed it was just another trinket Aziraphale had picked up. Either way, Crowley had enough trouble keeping his cool long enough to step into the hellfire, shoot some at Gabriel for that  _ comment _ about his husband’s weight, and race back to the park. He found the bench they had arranged to meet back up at and waited. He resumed twisting the ring, slouched on the bench with constant looks over his shoulder. 

“So sorry I’m late, dear,” Aziraphale huffed as he struggled to saunter up. Crowley couldn’t help but grin at the imitation of his walk. He did  _ not _ look like that.

“Angel,” he sighed. “Did it go alright?”

Aziraphale sat far more upright than Crowley ever had. “They seemed to believe me. I asked for a rubber duck. You know, I made the archangel Micheal  _ miracle me a towel _ ,” he whispered, grinning widely. 

Crowley held his hand out. “Switch back, yeah?” he asked, gesturing back into the city. “Then the Ritz. You owe me a wedding dinner,  _ husband _ .”

They both let out a sigh of relief upon being back in their usual corporations. Aziraphale offered his arm, accepting Crowley’s kiss on his cheek, and began recounting his tale of the trial. Crowley was perfectly happy to simply listen. He was allowed to look at Aziraphale with as much love as he wanted, and so he would. 

They had the rest of their lives. This was only the first day. 

**Author's Note:**

> a day or two late, but it's finally here! Let me know what you guys think!


End file.
